When I get caught thinking about next steps I do always believe that it is as some dangerous animal is tracking my thoughts or at least, as being drunk deeper in the night when nobody can find me.
Usually what happens next is very straghitforward to imagine:why-not, what-if questions fill up my mind and again the night veil that surrounds me starts to think but my heart starts to thick in preparation of the dense sensation of morbid and useless emotions.
Thinking now about this is by no means easy. It is just a moment of perfection that allows me to at least for a second to grab the tiny little spark of understanding and growth because of it.
The rest of the time instead of growth what you receive, what you produce, what I understand is nihilist decadence.
Best regards,
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